Help, The Grinch Is Back!

The holiday season wasn’t the easiest. Not when the devil is lurking around making me feel sad and bad all the time.

We still have no nannies/househelp, I'm still not feeling well and miserable. Tapioca is working on New Year' Eve and I’m left alone with the kids. One of them, cranky and fussy because he’s teething and not feeling well, too. Once again, I felt like I failed motherhood. I failed my kids. But I refused to feel what I was feeling. I fought the Grinch trying to steal my happiness. I reminded myself that this season is not about me. Not about my feelings or about failing. I reminded myself of the true meaning of this season.

Let's count my blessings, shall we?

I'm thankful I’m home for the holidays. It’s not every year that happens. I’m thankful it was me who’s watching the kids and spending the holidays with them at home. Kebs if there’s no yaya. Kebs if the house is a mess. My kids couldn’t even care less for as long as mommy's there to take care of them and their needs.

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Surviving Christmas

This is probably one of the saddest Christmas of my life. Tapioca working on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. No nannies around. No home cooked meals. No Noche Buena. No kids around. They were at my brothers’. Me all alone at home sick and feeling miserable.

I’m just glad I survived. I hibernated. I took all the rest I could and took all the meds I needed. I don't want to be sick until New Year’s. That’s gonna be really sad.

I looked at my social media feed and saw all those wonderful photos of friends and families all complete for the holidays. I can’t help but wonder. I asked myself “Do I feel jealous? Am I getting green with envy?” Hmmm maybe. Not. I have to double check. But seriously I wasn’t. In fact I was inspired.

Instead of sulking and being bitter and miserable I chose otherwise. I took all those happy photos as inspiration for our next Christmas. As a matter of fact, I already jotted down notes and made plans on how we will celebrate Christmas next year.

Because of this experience, I’ve learned something and realized that this quote is oh so true:

Happiness is a state of mind.

Happiness is a choice.

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Our Christmas Tree is Up

I finally decided to put up our Christmas tree last night. Unlike the past years, I somehow felt indifferent. It's like I wasn’t excited. Like I did not feel happy at all. It was strange. Setting up the tree has been a tradition that I look forward to. It always makes me happy and excited for the holidays.

However, it was different yesterday.

Munchkin was sick. She was not in the mood and didn’t feel like helping in putting the decors. She missed her class’ Christmas presentation. 

Yesterday was supposed to be the Christmas presentation before the school break. Tapioca didn't allow us to attend because Munchkin was still not feeling well. He said we needed to let her rest so as not to repeat what happened from her last school activity. You can read about it here.

Once again, I felt bad. This is the 2nd time she got sick when they were supposed to have a school program. Last time was during Linggo ng Wika. She was already high with fever but insisted on joining the program.

I was sad and disappointed. I mean, this was supposed to be another first for our Little Munchkin but what can I do? Who would have thought that this would happen again, being sick again before the school presentation? Am I being a bad Mom? Am I not taking care of her well? The stress and anxiety was killing me so I thought maybe putting up the Christmas tree would help.

Going back to my Christmas tree, I find the color theme and the floral decors boring. Or maybe the right words would be sad and depressing? I felt that it didn't spark joy. What do you think? 

I know my Christmas tree is fake and cheap but the decors did not help. It somehow made it look more cheap. It also felt lifeless.  I was so sorry it felt so fake. It just made me feel more sad than I already was.  

I swear, I'm going to get rid of those decors when Christmas is over. I wouldn't even think of recycling them. So sorry Mother Earth.

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Munchkin's First Field Trip

It’s Munchkin’s first field trip today. I’m so glad I insisted on Tapioca to join us.

When the school announced this year’s field trip, we were apprehensive of joining because of the steep price. Php 1,700 for kids and Php 1,800 for adults. Well it’s reasonable if it’s just Munchkin. But if all three of us join, that will be Php 5,300. If you think about it, we can spend that amount for an overnight trip out of town.

Tapioca said one of us will have to stay and that’s gonna be him since he has work. I thought about it. If it’s just me and Munchkin, who’s gonna take our pictures? Who will watch over our stuff on the bus during the stopover? Or when we need to go to the loo? Who am I gonna talk to aside from Munchkin? I don’t know anyone there except from Munchkin’s teachers. I’m anti-social na kasi hahaha. So I insisted he join. This is our daughter’s first field trip. We should not miss it. Kebs na sa gastos. That’s why both of us are working so we can provide these experiences.

. . .  the little munchkin woke up early and excited for the day

eating instant noodles that daddy cooked for breakfast . . .

. . . slurp, slurp, slurp!!!

As I was saying, I’m glad Tapioca joined us. He woke up extra early today and made egg salad sandwiches which we will bring as baon. He also packed Munchkin’s stuff - extra clothes, snacks, towels, etc. When I woke up, he was cooking instant noodles for breakfast. All Munchkin and I had to do was eat, take a shower and get ready. Awesome, right? I didn't even ask him to do all these. Nagkusa ang lolo nyo.

Part of me wanted to scold myself. Because I’m the mother. I should be responsible for doing those things. I should be the one taking care of them.

Times like these, I really appreciate Tapioca. I’m thankful that I can always count on him. That he will step up when I’m slacking.     

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